Satire Saturday: "Colder Than a Witch's Brass Tit!"

 

It’s Satire Saturday again! This is the day when we talk about odd things related to witches and witchcraft. Since we’re still in the middle of winter, I thought it might be fun to explore the origin of one of my father’s favorite phrases during the cold months.

Have you ever heard the expression, “Colder than a witch’s brass tit!” when the weather is particularly cold? Have you ever wondered where that came from? Well, it has nothing to do with old women wearing metal bras, even though the words conjure those images in a modern mind. Instead, it has to do with climate change, witch hunts, and money.

Let’s start with climate change. During a period spanning from the 14^th century to the mid-19^th century, our planet’s climate cooled substantially. Scientists think this cooling was caused either by volcanic activity, a drop in the frequency of solar storms, or a combination of both. This period is often referred to as “the little ice age” and it was a dark period for our species. The Black Plague wiped out a third of Europe during this time, and witch hunts were fairly common. We tend to think of accusations of witchcraft as being a problem that ended during Europe’s Renaissance period, but witch trials were still happening as late as the 19^th century. The last recorded trial for witchcraft in the United States took place in 1878 in Salem, Massachusetts. The case was dismissed, and the defendant’s name cleared.

We all know the stories about old women being accused of witchcraft and being put to death for the crime, but not as many of us know wealthy individuals were accused of the crime as well. While royalty was most often the victim of this type of gossip, it was not unheard of for rich merchants, apothecaries, and financiers to fall victim to it as well. It was an effective means of eliminating competition for rivals, because if anyone believed it the victim would have a reputation that was tarnished by the accusation. Those who are successful are often seen as cold and unscrupulous characters that are capable of anything. People are quick to believe the worst things about the most successful people even today, so none of this should surprise us.

Now, I’m sure you’re wondering what any of this has to do with brass tits, and I’m getting to that now. It was not uncommon for wealthy merchants, financiers, and apothecaries to own a set of brass scales that were similar to the ones we use to symbolize justice, law, order, and equality today. These scales were used to measure both items for sale and payments. Brass is a good material for this because it does not corrode easily, and it is both lightweight and visually appealing. Brass is a metal alloy that is a poor conductor of heat, and therefore if it gets cold it stays cold. During a period like the little ice age this would have been very noticeable. And where do tits come in? Well, those little dishes attached to the chains on a scale are called tits.

Please excuse the terrible sate of my artwork on the above photo, but I needed to be sure you knew what a tit was.

So, in conclusion the phrase, “Colder than a witch’s brass tit!” comes from the little ice age period and refers to the tit of brass scale belonging to a person accused of witchcraft. Pretty cool, huh? I bet you really weren’t expecting it to come from that!

I hope you enjoyed learning about witches and brass tits today, and don’t have to deal with too much weather that resembles them. Have a great day! Blessed be!